What is happiness...

getting to see this man...aka Dad. 

Sorry for the bad pic.  I am at their house and I took a picture of a picture on their fridge.  I like this picture.  He is smiling and happy and this is before he got sick.  before cancer.  before treatments and surgeries, transfusions, tubes and trachs.  

But even with all of that, he is strong and determined. 

I love you dad and seeing you still have fight in you makes me happy. 

Don't worry...be happy

This man makes me happy!

I do not give him enough credit and lately have been very stressed, high strung and simply put...mean.  But he puts up with anyway.  He makes me happy.  He holds down the fort so I can go to Chicago by myself.  He doesn't really question it and goes with the flow.  I am glad he is supportive.  It makes me happy. 

Change

Change is scary, but sometimes very necessary.  I have been with my job for 9 years.  Well nine years on May 24th.  My last day is May 22.  After much reflection, praying, discussion, worrying, etc, I decided to make a big career change.  

I have not been happy at my job in a while, but who is.  I know no one truly loves their job day in and day out.  But lately I have been beyond cranky and angry when I get home.  I want nothing to do with anyone.  Not a good thing when you are married with two kids.  I knew it was getting bad.  You know it's bad when your husband is on board with you making the change because it's affecting your family that much.  Or when your daughter writes in her Mommy and Me journal that she is glad you are getting a new job because you are not happy anymore and she misses you being happy. Yep, that blows but it's a wake up call.  One that I needed.   I already made the decision and turned in my notice before I read this so this just reiterates I am doing the right thing.  My mom, my stepmom, my aunt, even most people at my job say I am doing the right thing.  They probably just want me out of there but they seem genuine.  

So in 12 days I will start my new chapter.  Working a few blocks from home versus 41 miles away.  Working 8 hours a day instead of 7 hours a day but still gaining 2.5 hours a day because I don't have the long commute.  Time is something that is hard to come by.  Time is important to me.  My kids are not getting any younger.  My youngest will be in kindergarten.  My oldest is only about 2 years from starting high school.  I don't want to miss out on my kids' lives because of the almighty dollar.  Unfortunately money is what makes the world go round or at least the keeps the power on, water running and the roof on our heads.  Money is necessary but so is sanity and happiness to an extent.  

Don't get me wrong.  I loved my job and the experiences I have gained here.  Good or bad, they all made me the person I am now (again, good or bad - you decide).  I have made some friends here and in all honesty I think those friendships will do better not in a work environment so I look forward to developing those more.  I have grown a lot here and a lot has changed. 

 Here are random things that happened while here (in no particular order)

Serena was 3.5 when I started here.  She is 12.5 now. 

The picture on the left is the first picture I had my desk
and the one on the right is what is currently there. 

I got married.



   We bought a house!

and got a dog!

I turned 30!

I lost 3 extremely important people...

My cousin Luke (pictured), my friend Jason and my grandma Wellen.

 Went on our first girls trip
(and planned another)!

 Bought two cars.  (only have picture of new one)

 Went on a family vacation as a group!

And I had our youngest!

I also gained 3 nieces and 2 nephews, in addition to the niece and nephew I gained by marriage.

I watched both my brother's graduate grade school, high school and one from college. 

That's a lot of life events at one job.  (I know people have been at other jobs longer...just fun to think of how much life has changed in 9 years)

If you're happy and you know it....

DRINK SOME STARBUCKS.  :)

Starbucks makes me happy.  I love it.  I drink it (a lot) and usually more in Chicago because they are on every corner.  So here is my "happy" for today.



100 days of Happy. Day #1

I saw this on Facebook and decided to try it.  I debated it for a few days and decided today to take the plunge and even more motivitated when my 100th day will be on August 22, my dad's birthday. 

So here it goes. 

Day 1

This makes me happy!  This reminds me of what a wonderful daughter we have. 

Our photobook from Serena's Relay for Life Skate Party.

I just received it today (well yesterday but just opened it this morning). 

words to live by?

Because quotes have seem to come up a lot in the last week or so.  What are some quotes or prayers that you live by.  

My number one prayer is Serenity Prayer.  Thanks to my mom.  Anytime I struggle she says to remember the Serenity Prayer and anytime I post the first few (well known) verses on my facebook page, she finishes it for me.  

God, give grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. 

Another one I try to remember and incorporate into my daily life is in my email sig block.  I forgot I even had it in my sig block until the lady from Family Circle (yes the magazine) commented on it while talking to her via email.  More on that later.  It's an Einstein quote 

Learn from yesterday, Live for today and hope for tomorrow.  

There is another part to it "The important thing is to not stop questioning." Evidently I like to cut quotes and prayers short.  Maybe that's my problem.  Maybe I need to focus on the whole thing and not bits and pieces.   Maybe then they would actually work!

And another one that I have heard a couple times from a friend and recently at a Relay for Life meeting and it caught my daughter's attention too.  

If you want the rainbow you have to deal with the rain.  

Some days though, the rain sucks.  I would settle for partly cloudy, and not the tsunami that seems to be my life lately.

So I am going to try to focus on the my serenity, courage, wisdom, learning from my mistakes, enjoying today and hoping for tomorrow, and dealing with the rain all while hoping for that rainbow. 

Five years.

Something new for 2014 I am going to do one of these for both of the kids on their bdays.  Serena's first one will be 13 years late but better late than never right. 

So writing this now because it's on my mind a lot now.  In 4days, my son, aka my baby, will be five years old.  FIVE.  Xander has such spunk and such a fun personality.  He's so loving.  So kind but very ornery.  He keeps us on our toes and melts the hearts of many.  He is mean to his sister but loves her very much too.  Scooter is his best friend.  Xander proved his persistence and personality way before blessing our lives.  

Xander a/k/a

X
X-Man
Xander Bean
and
Turtle. 

He was called wimpy white boy in the NICU.
Because "white" boys' lungs develop the slowest.

He has a special connection to my cousin Katie.
I cannot explain it.  He just does.  Kindred spirits I guess.
 

  She will ALWAYS be his popcorn Katie.
And he will always be her Turtle.  

He loves all his grandparents and loves to tell everyone stories about them.

One of my favorites:
When standing in walmart when he was about 2, he pointed to the coffee and said Grandma!  Evidently he learned her love of coffee at a young age.
Mom, be glad it was the coffee aisle and not wine.  ;) 

He calls all his aunts and uncles: Aunt _______ and Uncle ___________
rarely are they ever just called by their name.  

^this is how he became "nephew Xander" by Uncle Scott.

He thinks having two aunt Nikki/Nicky's is cool. 
They both had babies this year so that gives them brownie points in his world. 

He knows Travis and Casey are his godparents,
but often gets confused and says Casey is his grandmother.
Sorry Casey, we're working on this mix up. 

He thinks every city with tall buildings is Chicago.

He also thinks he is going to marry one of the kindergarten teachers at D12.  He also has a crush on just about every single 6th grade girl he has ever met and knows the ones he met, by name. 

He loves Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, super heros, power rangers  and dinosaurs right now. 

He is so loving and kind, but when that mean streak comes out.  Watch out!

His thoughts are so random and often leaves us in tears or saying What in the World? 

He is clever.  I give them assigned rooms to clean.
He just moves everything from his room into the room Serena is cleaning. 

He also has a special connection to Aunt Sandy.
 Can't explain it.  He just does which is kind of cool because so do I.

We love you, Xander!