Rough Week

Earlier this week I hit the 1 year mark since last seeing my dad.  Last getting to hug him and say I love you.  The next few days last year (and now this year because they have replayed in mind) we were given a short timeframe for him to live.  Today was actually a year ago that I thought I'll get to see him one.more.time.  We knew he probably wouldn't make it past the weekend because just the day after I left they said he had a week to live.  So today, a year ago, I told my husband I was going to make one more solo trek to see him.  I made the plans with Connie and told them I would be up there on the 12th after work.  I had made plans to leave work early.  I was going to see him one more time.

But the next day I woke up to a call from Connie that we lost my dad. I remember it took me a minute to process the information.  I thought at first that she meant she physically lost him because he was getting confused and got out of the apartment.  Then it dawned on me...he was gone.  Dad died on 9/11.  I called Ryan home from work, I told Serena and we cried.  I didn't know what to tell Xander because he wouldn't understand.  I remember telling him that he was not going to school and that we were going to Chicago.  He said Yay, we can see Grandpa Jim.  I had to explain to him that grandpa wouldn't be there because he died.  I remained composed, until he cried then we cried some more.  I went into work to talk to my manager and get things situated before leaving for a couple days.  We left around 9 a.m. and were there by 2 p.m.  I remember the generosity of everyone when we got there.  Seeing dad's maintenance guys or the parking attendants cry is something I will never forget.  Ever.  The generosity of Hawthorne House employees and residents was overwhelming.

I have a ton of people to thank for getting me through that time and will probably miss a few, but you know who you are.

This year has been hard.  A lot of firsts without him.  A lot more to come.  I always took it for granted that he would be here to see Serena graduate grade school, high school and college.  She graduates high school in 8 months and he won't be there.  A lot that he is going to miss.

I think about him all the time and miss him more than words can say.

Here's my post from a year ago.

Clarification!

I feel like I have to put this out there because I see the looks I get when I call my dad, Kenny, dad...Here's the deal.  He has been in my life since I was 7 or 8.  Can't remember exact timeframe.  I would guess probably 7.  Someone asked me if it seems a little disrespectful to my dad Jim that I called my "step" dad, dad.  I don't think it is.

He was there for us for years before I started seeing my dad again.  Years.  He took care of us.  He made sure we had a roof, clothes, food, took us to movies, to Six Flags, to Dallas, to the Arch, the meremac caverns, etc.  We had our ups and downs like any dad and teenage daughter  But he was and always will be dad.  I called him dad for years before I got to see my dad again.  My dad and I even talked about it on several occasions and he knew where I stood with both of them.  I love them both.  They are both my dad and one will not replace the other.  I am just lucky.  

Couldn't do it

Yep, I couldn't do it.  I lasted not even 24 hours without Facebook.  I have to be in the know too much.  Plus I get bored in my own little world not interacting AND i don't watch the news.  I get it from Facebook.  So I am back "on" just trying to not be on so much.  Even considering deleting the apps off my phone.

I got through the 1st chapter of my study guide.  Only 4 or 5 more to go, and these bad boys to study with.  Serena laughed at me last night when I said can you grab my book bag.  She goes....ha, that's funny.  And Xander earlier this week, I said Xander, is your homework done?  He responded:  Is YOURS?  really kid.

That kid is going to give us a run for our money!  He failed a pretest this week because he was distracted.  He said by a fly.  Ms. R said by the boys around him so she moved him.

So I will limit my facebook time and maybe not post daily but will try to post blogs.  Trying to limit my extra activities too which right now with soccer and band coming up my schedule is fuller than I would like, so if I decline doing something, take no offense.

Have a great Labor Day weekend.

Surreal

My dad did whole body donation.  I contacted them back in June and asked for information on what my dad's body went to.  What did he help?  Where did he go?

I finally got a letter from the facility.  I already knew from his death certificate he was sent to St. Louis.  I found out that during the 8 weeks they had his body they used him for surgical purposes.  They did a shoulder surgery and a hip replacement.

So there you have it.  He helped someone or a lot of someones.  His body was too cancer ridden to do organ donation but he will help someone, someday.  Might be a baseball player, or maybe your grandpa.  But dad's whole body donation helped someone and times like now...it makes me smile.

Miss you dad.