Rough Week

Earlier this week I hit the 1 year mark since last seeing my dad.  Last getting to hug him and say I love you.  The next few days last year (and now this year because they have replayed in mind) we were given a short timeframe for him to live.  Today was actually a year ago that I thought I'll get to see him one.more.time.  We knew he probably wouldn't make it past the weekend because just the day after I left they said he had a week to live.  So today, a year ago, I told my husband I was going to make one more solo trek to see him.  I made the plans with Connie and told them I would be up there on the 12th after work.  I had made plans to leave work early.  I was going to see him one more time.

But the next day I woke up to a call from Connie that we lost my dad. I remember it took me a minute to process the information.  I thought at first that she meant she physically lost him because he was getting confused and got out of the apartment.  Then it dawned on me...he was gone.  Dad died on 9/11.  I called Ryan home from work, I told Serena and we cried.  I didn't know what to tell Xander because he wouldn't understand.  I remember telling him that he was not going to school and that we were going to Chicago.  He said Yay, we can see Grandpa Jim.  I had to explain to him that grandpa wouldn't be there because he died.  I remained composed, until he cried then we cried some more.  I went into work to talk to my manager and get things situated before leaving for a couple days.  We left around 9 a.m. and were there by 2 p.m.  I remember the generosity of everyone when we got there.  Seeing dad's maintenance guys or the parking attendants cry is something I will never forget.  Ever.  The generosity of Hawthorne House employees and residents was overwhelming.

I have a ton of people to thank for getting me through that time and will probably miss a few, but you know who you are.

This year has been hard.  A lot of firsts without him.  A lot more to come.  I always took it for granted that he would be here to see Serena graduate grade school, high school and college.  She graduates high school in 8 months and he won't be there.  A lot that he is going to miss.

I think about him all the time and miss him more than words can say.

Here's my post from a year ago.