Family

So I have been thinking a lot about family and what it means to me.  I have all kinds.  Blood, marriage, step (bonus).  the latter has crossed my mind a lot lately.  Divorce doesn't always have to be a bad thing.  When adults are acting like adults and making the decision that is best for them and their kids, it is actually a good thing.  Then add in when mom and dad start seeing other people and eventually one day remarry.

I am one of those stepkids.  I am one of those kids who had a stepparent growing up and he was probably the greatest thing that happened to us (at that time because nothing competes with my own kids or the day I got married).  Growing up dad treated us as his own.  We were never treated any differently and I cannot recall one time where we were introduced as his stepkids unless it was a member of his family introducing us to people and then it was this is Kenny's stepdaughter.

Divorce or relationship changes happen frequently now and 90% of the time there are kids in involved.  So here is my message to anyone that is a parent to someone else's kids.

1) don't have the mentality that they are not yours, so not your "problem".  Love them unconditionally as you do your spouse because that "child" is your spouse's blood.

2) do not treat them differently than your child or even the child(ren) you have with your spouse.  There is no room for favorites or games.  This child as strengths and weaknesses just as your other children do.  It's your job to help them find their strengths and fix their weaknesses.

3) INCLUDE THEM.  I cannot stress this enough.  Even when my parents were dating, I remember being taken to the movies.  Just the four of us.  It was nice.  He took us to six flags on several occasions, family vacation to Texas or day trips to the zoo, arch or caverns.  I remember getting to tag along on his bus runs for Zee in the charter buses.  And never once was I called his stepdaughter or his wife's daughter.  I was his daughter.

4) Don't make them feel like they have to choose.  No child should have to choose favorites.  Dad, despite knowing some of the hardships my mom faced with our dad, never tried to replace our dad.

Even as grownups, Connie introduces us as her daughters.  Not Jim's daughter's.  It's refreshing to not be a step....