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Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Random

Random.
That's what this is.
Just random thoughts going through my head. 

I miss my dad.
A lot.
I knew I would miss him.

It's no secret that our relationship was rocky, at best, for years.
But it got better over time.
Specifically it was immensely better after I became a parent.
Maybe because I put forth more effort so my daughter would know grandpa.
It's no secret I gave him a hard time.
Part of me feels guilty but part of me knows that he probably didn't expect any less from me
because afterall I was his child and I very much have his personality and attitude

I love my dad.  I miss him more than I thought possible 
and would give just about anything to talk to him one more time.  
Scratch that.  I talk to him ALL the time. 
I would give anything to hear bite me.
I loved our late night conversations when I would get to his apartment. 
I could be dead tired but when I got there and started talking I would wake up.
He would always ask...How's your mom and Ken?
He would ask about the boys and my grandma.

Lately I think a lot about him.  
I read the emails I kept from him. 
Towards the last few months, they were very short because it was all he could manage.
I still have not deleted his number from my phone.  I can't.

His memorial is coming up in May.  Maybe that's why he is on my mind. 
Now we are going on vacation and it just brought back a flood of memories of him.
He approached me about taking serena on vacation with them after he beat his cancer.
We also tried to plan a Disney trip years ago.

I have a mousepad on my desk with his photos on it.
They make me smile and tear up.
I miss him.


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