Probably one of my biggest struggles as a parent is figuring out when to step up and help and when to let them fall. Even with an 18 year old there is an overwhelming urge to want to fix things or make decisions for her. I am learning that is not helping her and learning to take a step back.
This first week has proven to challenge my ability to do this. Serena was so excited when we left her on Monday. She had a "free" day before starting band on Tuesday. I talked to her Tuesday night she seemed a little off. Wednesday night she was in a mood but also busy and mentioned she wanted to video chat her brother. She was over band. I could tell. I told her to give it more time because it was new. She was also having issues with her shin. This is an ongoing issue she had in high school band too with shin splints. It was throbbing. I encouraged her to keep up with it. Thursday morning things kind of came to a head that she was most definitely done. I wanted to encourage her to keep with it two weeks. She didn't think she had that long to decide and ultimately her heart was not in it. The band director tried talking to her but I think it was too late. I cannot compliment this band director enough on how he handled the situation. He talked to me (with her permission) and even though she dropped band he noticed her anxiety seemed to be at an all-time high and arranged for various people to check on her from the band. Maybe she will join again one day but right now it is not for her. I know it is important for her to be involved not only to keep her occupied and reduce her homesick feeling but also important for med school applications but I also do not want her to be miserable. Starting next week she is going to have a pretty full schedule with 16 credit hours plus working. however, within a few hours of dropping band, with the help of one of the people the band director connected her with, she found her way to the yearbook club and the newspaper. That made this mom heart happy.
Talking to her since then I have noticed a difference in her demeanor and she seems happy and not as stressed. Band is great but if it is not for her right now that is fine and I need to learn to let her make those decisions. I was stuck between how much do I push or encourage her and how much do I let her make her own decision and learn from that. I took a step back on this and realized she is so very capable to making her decisions and truly thinking things through.
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