Christmas Songs

What is your favorite Christmas song? 

The songs that get you in the Christmas spirit or you sing along to

Here are my top 10 favorite:

All I Want for Christmas - Mariah Carey

Christmas Shoes - Newsong

Winter Wonderland - Anne Murphy

A Christmas to Remember - Kenny & Dolly

Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses

Wizards in Winter - TSO

Hard Candy Christmas - Dolly

Christmas Canon  Rock - TSO

Santa Claus is Coming to Town - Bruce Springsteen

The Chipmunk Song - The Chipmunks

Family

So I have been thinking a lot about family and what it means to me.  I have all kinds.  Blood, marriage, step (bonus).  the latter has crossed my mind a lot lately.  Divorce doesn't always have to be a bad thing.  When adults are acting like adults and making the decision that is best for them and their kids, it is actually a good thing.  Then add in when mom and dad start seeing other people and eventually one day remarry.

I am one of those stepkids.  I am one of those kids who had a stepparent growing up and he was probably the greatest thing that happened to us (at that time because nothing competes with my own kids or the day I got married).  Growing up dad treated us as his own.  We were never treated any differently and I cannot recall one time where we were introduced as his stepkids unless it was a member of his family introducing us to people and then it was this is Kenny's stepdaughter.

Divorce or relationship changes happen frequently now and 90% of the time there are kids in involved.  So here is my message to anyone that is a parent to someone else's kids.

1) don't have the mentality that they are not yours, so not your "problem".  Love them unconditionally as you do your spouse because that "child" is your spouse's blood.

2) do not treat them differently than your child or even the child(ren) you have with your spouse.  There is no room for favorites or games.  This child as strengths and weaknesses just as your other children do.  It's your job to help them find their strengths and fix their weaknesses.

3) INCLUDE THEM.  I cannot stress this enough.  Even when my parents were dating, I remember being taken to the movies.  Just the four of us.  It was nice.  He took us to six flags on several occasions, family vacation to Texas or day trips to the zoo, arch or caverns.  I remember getting to tag along on his bus runs for Zee in the charter buses.  And never once was I called his stepdaughter or his wife's daughter.  I was his daughter.

4) Don't make them feel like they have to choose.  No child should have to choose favorites.  Dad, despite knowing some of the hardships my mom faced with our dad, never tried to replace our dad.

Even as grownups, Connie introduces us as her daughters.  Not Jim's daughter's.  It's refreshing to not be a step....

Wasn't Prepared

I tried to prepare myself for my dad's passing as much as you can when you know the end is coming and thought I did a pretty good job but realizing nothing could prepare me for changes that I have no control of.  Nothing.

Rough Week

Earlier this week I hit the 1 year mark since last seeing my dad.  Last getting to hug him and say I love you.  The next few days last year (and now this year because they have replayed in mind) we were given a short timeframe for him to live.  Today was actually a year ago that I thought I'll get to see him one.more.time.  We knew he probably wouldn't make it past the weekend because just the day after I left they said he had a week to live.  So today, a year ago, I told my husband I was going to make one more solo trek to see him.  I made the plans with Connie and told them I would be up there on the 12th after work.  I had made plans to leave work early.  I was going to see him one more time.

But the next day I woke up to a call from Connie that we lost my dad. I remember it took me a minute to process the information.  I thought at first that she meant she physically lost him because he was getting confused and got out of the apartment.  Then it dawned on me...he was gone.  Dad died on 9/11.  I called Ryan home from work, I told Serena and we cried.  I didn't know what to tell Xander because he wouldn't understand.  I remember telling him that he was not going to school and that we were going to Chicago.  He said Yay, we can see Grandpa Jim.  I had to explain to him that grandpa wouldn't be there because he died.  I remained composed, until he cried then we cried some more.  I went into work to talk to my manager and get things situated before leaving for a couple days.  We left around 9 a.m. and were there by 2 p.m.  I remember the generosity of everyone when we got there.  Seeing dad's maintenance guys or the parking attendants cry is something I will never forget.  Ever.  The generosity of Hawthorne House employees and residents was overwhelming.

I have a ton of people to thank for getting me through that time and will probably miss a few, but you know who you are.

This year has been hard.  A lot of firsts without him.  A lot more to come.  I always took it for granted that he would be here to see Serena graduate grade school, high school and college.  She graduates high school in 8 months and he won't be there.  A lot that he is going to miss.

I think about him all the time and miss him more than words can say.

Here's my post from a year ago.

Clarification!

I feel like I have to put this out there because I see the looks I get when I call my dad, Kenny, dad...Here's the deal.  He has been in my life since I was 7 or 8.  Can't remember exact timeframe.  I would guess probably 7.  Someone asked me if it seems a little disrespectful to my dad Jim that I called my "step" dad, dad.  I don't think it is.

He was there for us for years before I started seeing my dad again.  Years.  He took care of us.  He made sure we had a roof, clothes, food, took us to movies, to Six Flags, to Dallas, to the Arch, the meremac caverns, etc.  We had our ups and downs like any dad and teenage daughter  But he was and always will be dad.  I called him dad for years before I got to see my dad again.  My dad and I even talked about it on several occasions and he knew where I stood with both of them.  I love them both.  They are both my dad and one will not replace the other.  I am just lucky.  

Couldn't do it

Yep, I couldn't do it.  I lasted not even 24 hours without Facebook.  I have to be in the know too much.  Plus I get bored in my own little world not interacting AND i don't watch the news.  I get it from Facebook.  So I am back "on" just trying to not be on so much.  Even considering deleting the apps off my phone.

I got through the 1st chapter of my study guide.  Only 4 or 5 more to go, and these bad boys to study with.  Serena laughed at me last night when I said can you grab my book bag.  She goes....ha, that's funny.  And Xander earlier this week, I said Xander, is your homework done?  He responded:  Is YOURS?  really kid.

That kid is going to give us a run for our money!  He failed a pretest this week because he was distracted.  He said by a fly.  Ms. R said by the boys around him so she moved him.

So I will limit my facebook time and maybe not post daily but will try to post blogs.  Trying to limit my extra activities too which right now with soccer and band coming up my schedule is fuller than I would like, so if I decline doing something, take no offense.

Have a great Labor Day weekend.

Surreal

My dad did whole body donation.  I contacted them back in June and asked for information on what my dad's body went to.  What did he help?  Where did he go?

I finally got a letter from the facility.  I already knew from his death certificate he was sent to St. Louis.  I found out that during the 8 weeks they had his body they used him for surgical purposes.  They did a shoulder surgery and a hip replacement.

So there you have it.  He helped someone or a lot of someones.  His body was too cancer ridden to do organ donation but he will help someone, someday.  Might be a baseball player, or maybe your grandpa.  But dad's whole body donation helped someone and times like now...it makes me smile.

Miss you dad.